Florida Man Arrested For Masturbating in Starbucks

In what has to be a phrase no minimum-wage worker wants to say, “Sir, you can’t masturbate here; this is a Starbucks.”

A Florida man who described himself as a “homeless male model” was arrested at a Starbucks in Miami Beach last week for masturbating in public. A fellow patron recorded the act on her phone, which took place in front of the American flag and lasted for 10 minutes. The man took off when police arrived. No word if he finished.

He was, of course, arrested, but only after having to be subdued by police with blow darts and then leading them on a chase after pulling out the darts. Once he was finally apprehended, he was charged with lewd and lascivious conduct, disorderly conduct and resisting an officer. He was arraigned and held on $700 bail.