Rogue Zebras Finally Captured

Two zebras that had been running wild in Baltimore after escaping from their farm enclosure have finally been apprehended. Three of the animals had escaped in August, but one died shortly after the break, getting caught in an illegal snare trap.

The two rogue zebras had been having a great time for the past 4 months, frolicking in ways that only zebras can and, likely, wondering what the hell they were doing in Maryland. The owner of the farm where they escaped from has been charged with animal cruelty; apparently he owns 40 zebras and they were not in the best of condition and, let’s be honest, that’s too many zebras for one man. There should be a 5 zebra limit. And that’s 5 at the very top; like, not everybody should be able to have 5. One zebra is likely too many zebras for many rational thinking people, but some folks think it’d be neat and they could sell tickets for zebra rides to their friends and, sure, that is adorable and fun, but, not something every Tom, Dick and/or Harry should be offering. There is such a thing as Zebra fatigue.

So, long story short, wild zebras captured, don’t buy your own zebra. That’s it. End of story.