CA Church Decides It’s a Strip Club; Music Will Still Be Lame

In what has to be one of the more 2020 of news stories, a mega church in California has rebranded themselves as a ‘family-friendly’ strip club. Why? Well, apparently the church feels like exposing its parishioners is a good idea, and, because state law allows strip clubs to stay open but not churches, they’ve changed up their message a little. If any business is allowed to stay open and spread a deadly virus among its patrons, damn it, they should be able to as well.

Will Pastor Jurgen be twirling his pasties to “You Can Leave Your Hat On?” during his homily? Unlikely. (But he’d be a lot cooler if he did.) They’ll still be wearing robes, and not the comfy, terry-cloth ones.

The CFKAAC (Church Formerly Known as Awaken Church, unpronounceable symbol TBA) will now be known as the Awaken Family Friendly Strip Club. The dollar bills still go in the collection plate and still don’t try the buffet.

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