Space Aged Chastity Belt Hacked

In a sentence you can only hope to never have to write, “cyber security experts have found that a new blu-tooth enabled chastity belt has a pretty severe security vulnerability.” Or, to put it another way: hope you like having your ding dong locked up, ’cause that cage ain’t comin’ off anytime soon.”

The security gap made it possible for hackers to attack the device, which could “remotely and permanently lock in the user’s penis.” Apparently designers made the device blu-tooth enabled, but not password enabled. Once locked, by either the owner of the device, or someone passing by the house with a laptop, the device could only be removed with a “heavy-duty bolt cutter or an angle grinder.”

On the plus side, there’s no proof that anyone is stuck in it. (Well, no one stuck in it that doesn’t want to be.) The company that makes the device are working on a way to close this rather severe loophole.

So, make sure your chastity belt has a password. Or maybe, isn’t all space aged… Just go with the ol’ traditional kind. The kind Grandma used to have.