Walmart Implies Santa’s Christmas Flight is Fueled by Cocaine

In what has to be a theory that hasn’t been floated since sometime during the 80s, Walmart think Santa Claus is a cokehead. Or maybe they don’t. Maybe they just think he uses it one night a year to fly around the world delivering presents to good boys and girls and people who are trying hard to be good and aren’t we all, like, really, trying to be good, like really good and maybe it’s like a one-night-a-year kind of thing and he can stop whenever he wants, but IT HELPS, you know, it just does and that’s a fact and Santa really loves you and Santa needs a little bit more of his magical snow to help him fly…

Walmart has pulled a Christmas sweater that some people say implies that Santa does cocaine. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, who is to say? Either way, you have to admit it’s a pretty poor likeness of the fella. And if Walmart wants to apologize for anything, maybe it’s the crazy eyes. Either way, you can no longer buy this sweater. Except on Ebay, where it is likely fetching a pretty penny and will definitely make you more popular at your ugly sweater Christmas party, if people are still doing that.


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