Episode 104- Stripper Gurl Haggard

In the midst of an excited discussion about our must-see, non-Disney animated movies of the 80s, we may have just stumbled onto a great discovery. While it’s true that An American Tail will pull your heartstrings for many reasons, including Fievel’s sweet little voice and that clever word play of tail/tale, it’s also surprisingly relevant to today. It’s a story of immigrants coming to America full of hope. It’s a reminder of how much we love and miss Dom DeLuise and Madeline Kahn.

But most of all, the lyrics to “Somewhere Out There” pretty much apply to all those doing their best to keep their loved ones safe by keeping their distance. Just listen to Ronstadt and Ingram sing about bright stars, lonesome lullabies, and big skies, and then reach for the nearest tissue as your cynical Grinch heart swells with hope.

It just so happens that our guest for this week’s episode also left us feeling like things might just be okay and we all have our place on this crazy sphere we call Earth. But that only makes sense, given that her job is to bring fun and fantasy to the world. We spoke with Gurl Haggard, club stripper extraordinaire, contender of the best-named person we’ve ever interviewed, and just all-around great person to talk with.

While Gurl is not the first person in the sex industry we’ve spoken with — and don’t worry, she definitely won’t be the last — her wit and perspective was particularly enlightening. She was open, honest, and willing to answer all of our questions about life as a stripper, plus she dispelled some of the impressions we’ve gotten from the movies. For instance, Gurl addressed the subject of song selections, and whether the dancers get to pick what they perform to. We’re not going to spoil anything, but let’s just say Luke was sorely disappointed that his oft-practiced routine to Wilco’s “Misunderstood” probably wouldn’t fly.

We are only going to tease this interview and not give too much away because Gurl Haggard was full of great stories, including one involving a man whose son is famous. We had to creatively bleep out his name, but the clues are all there. So even if you’ve only caught one episode of Murder, She Wrote, you’ll be able to Jessica Fletcher your way to the famous person’s name. (Of course, you’d only know how to Jessica Fletcher something if you saw more than one episode. In other words, give Murder, She Wrote a try. The theme song is delightful and we’d strip to it.)

Gurl also reminded us that stripping is, first and foremost, a business. Listen in to find out why a club stripper is ultimately part of the sales department. (The fantasy sales department, which is infinitely more interesting than any departments we’ve worked in.) She also provided great insight into the social contract that is in play when one goes to the club. From the strippers to the bartenders to the customers, everyone has a part and if any of the customers start to act the fool, the consequences shouldn’t be a surprise.

Gurl Haggard gave us a titillating peek into how and why she became a club stripper, what she likes about the job, and what the unique stresses are that can come with it. Ultimately, she filled us in on why she’s not worried about the future of her work, and of sex workers in general, even in the mess that is 2020. Let’s just say sex work has been around for a long time — if the Puritans didn’t manage to suppress it, this year doesn’t stand much of a chance.

If you’re looking to support her or learn more, Gurl has an OnlyFans account. Yes, it’s got adult material on it, but we’re all adults and nobody’s clicking on any links they don’t want to be clicking on. You get it. You can also follow Gurl on Twitter or Instagram.

For those of you who didn’t think we could ever combine a discussion of An American Tale and stripping, stop underestimating us! Take note, newscasters with awkward segues. Speaking of awkward segues, please leave us a note about how you think we’re doing, and which Christian Slater movie is your favorite. (The answer, of course, is True Romance because it all comes back to Detroit. Sorry, Gleaming the Cube.)